Tuesday, February 10, 2009
the thin parts
I took this picture today. It was a hole in a tree, I was standing on the outside looking through the hole into it's guts. Which were only leaves thankfully. Anyway I got to thinking about how that hole happened. I'm not a tree expert or anything but I'm guessing there was a thin part and it eventually split open as the tree got hollowed out, how that happened I also don't know. What I do know is that I could relate myself to the tree. My mind scanned through my body, almost like an infrared ex-ray in a movie and I could see my thin parts. It happened in just the span of a minute or so as I looked at the tree, and I saw my own weak thin parts that needed strengthening. I saw my depression knocking, wanting in. I saw my panicking body image issues starting to scream. I saw my insecurities and my failures. Lots of little thin areas about to break through. But I also saw the parts that were stronger. My ability to talk myself out of a hole. My focus and unwavering devotion to making sure my kids feel loved and believed in. I saw the love I have for my family and friends, and I saw the spiritual path I walk and sometimes stumble along. Putting all this into words is weird. It's hard to write about moments like these because it seems like I really spent a lot of time thinking about it, but it was just moments. Trying to capture what I FELT in words is hard. Anyway I walked away feeling balanced. Like it was OK to have the thin parts because of the strong parts. They would work together to hold me up. The tree was still standing and I know we both one day will crumble back to the ground, and that's OK. I want to thank God (because I know he reads my blog) for showing me that today. I want to thank my family and friends for constantly pointing out my strengths. Tomorrow is a new day and weak and strong I'll make it as good as I possibly can.