Monday, September 08, 2008

Control me

control
Control, It's an issue. I control myself, my food, my weight, the time I spend, where I go. I try to control the people in my life as well. Sounds fun huh? I'm learning though that the tighter I control, the more out of control things get. I feel less in control. More anxious. Less relaxed. Do you feel that? I know lots of women are "control freaks". Is it fear? Fear of things not going our way? All I know is that all this control is getting me farther away from the person I want to be. Fun, care free, Free, happy, relaxed. "Let Go", that's what's been suggested. So I tried it this weekend and it didn't work. I tried to relax around food and couldn't. I tried to "let go" to relax and trust that not being in control would make my life better. I'll keep trying. I'll keep trying for my kids, so they won't hate me when they grow up, and my husband so he won't hate me now. I'll keep trying for myself, cause life is short and I do want to enjoy it.

9 comments:

Amy said...

my therapist told me - that which resists persists - she's right - the harder I try to make something happen, or to let go of something, the stickier it gets. It will happen for you, because you have the willingness. Slowly, friend.

Blogging Molly said...

this post made me think of my mom. she was type A, to put it nicely, when i was growing up. especially in the kitchen. she has relaxed A LOT over the years. it just takes time.

misadventuresofkellyandkelly said...

I don't know your blog well enough to know if you are a believer in God, but I am so I will post my comment anyway. I am a worrier, a controler, lots of anxiety, etc. I'm trying hard to let it go. Because if I really believed God will provide and that something greater then me is here, then I would not need to worry. Easier to think about doing then to actually do though in my experience.

Chris said...

For me, the drive for control and perfection, is the fear of failure. Failing my kids, huband, parents, friends, the people around me, myself.

Anonymous said...

maybe you can teach me some lessons in control and i can teach you some lessons in relaxation... even trade? :) I know its hard. life is hard. guess no one ever said it was gonna be easy... :(

i love u.

~Heidi

Marz said...

hey there friend... I know it's a hard concept to put into practice, one of the great paradoxes of life... hardly anyone can relax by trying hard to do so, when you try to stop thinking about something usually you just are aware of trying not to... I think the story about replacing the empty house with good things after the evil is run out of it, that sums it up best. It's easier to "do" something else and therefore avoid the behavior than it is to just "not do" what you're trying to stop. I admire you for working on your life, it a mark of humility that can for sure shine thru to your kiddos...

Krista said...

I absolutely believe that a desire for control always stems from fear. And our whole society is control-power-over oriented, because within our whole society, fear is taught from a young age and is prevalent in every facet: fear of "not enough", fear of "not good enough", fear of not being OK, fear of harm, fear of punishment, fear of.... you fill in the blank. You need not think you're alone. The opposite of fear is faith/trust. It's a difficult, but well-worth-the-effort habit to get into... trusting. Just trusting.

Thank you for this honest post. I really appreciate your sharing.

Anonymous said...

you've been on Gretchen's heart lately, and she called you a couple of times to see how you are and ask real questions.
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Prov 18:24.

call her today
Lanceros

Anonymous said...

...oh yeah, great picture, by the way!

very creative. expresses your topic:
the "push and pull", "open and close", the fridge representing food, the letters for kids, black and white for mood, and the off angle for perspective.

hang in there!
Lanceros