Wednesday, July 23, 2008

coffee break

coffee break
Saturday I had a long coffee break. A five hour coffee break. John took over and I stepped out. I walked and peeked in and out of antique stores and book shops. When I finally sat down three hours later I found myself in a big comfy leather couch with a large coffee on the side table beside me. I didn't read or write or try and look or be occupied. I sat and watched. In the stillness, for quite awhile I sat in negative thoughts, I let myself sink into that chair and be overwhelmed with my life, with what my life is not. And I sat and felt sorry for myself for not being the person I really hoped I would be by now. I have a tendency to drift to the negative if I give myself free reign. Anyway, so finally I sort of snapped myself out of it and took a deep breath and told myself to just stop. Really, I said it out loud."Just stop it". Me and my coffee and my big comfy chair settled in together and I started enjoying the solitude, and the people walking in and out, and the sunlight streaming in. I took a coffee break from my crap and enjoyed the rest of my time out.

5 comments:

Amy Chionis said...

If I could tell you the number of times since becoming a mother I have had to say "Stop it, Amy, that line of thinking is just not helpful!". I pretend it is my older, wiser, loving self stepping back in time to help me out. I am glad you have one, too.

Marz said...

You are just awesome Heather! You have no idea (of this I am sure) that even in your struggle to overcome, you are a light :) for reals! I am just so happy you had time to sit in that chair. You SO deserved it!

vickie said...

hey, sounds good. god i can relate to that, what SHOULD my life have been by now. but i'm glad you snapped yourself out of it. sunshine always cheers the soul and it's there every new morning with each new day with all of life's possibilities there for us. i always wonder if i have time for my dreams at 47? 47!

but then i know i'm raising my small wonders and i KNOW i've been doing the most important job of my life.

kudos to your hub for giving you a MUCH needed break.

Shawn and Laura said...

Reading about you and your family keeps me going...I have 3 kids and one on the way. I had these plans of the type of mom I wanted to be and the things I wanted to do with my kids, and it just hasnt happened yet. I will have 4 kids under 4 and while this last one was a suprise, i still worry about what it is going to be like. Keep going!!! You are doing great!

Beth said...

thanks for being so open and honest with us....because many of us have done what you did....especially the part of sitting with all the negativity, but most of us are too proud to admit it !!!

I'll stand up and be proud to say I've been where you were/are and it's not always easy to find your way back out.....

Our lives rarely are what or where we expect them to be...and all we can do is be honest with ourselves and carry on !!

a big hug to you !!!