I love my mom. I love my daughter. When Stella was smaller and I was still nursing her I would imagine that I was my mom nursing me as a baby. Does that make sense. It was a very powerful image in my mind at times. And then there were other times when I would look down at my nursing daughter and imagine that this baby was myself as a baby and I was feeding and loving and caring for myself newly born. Writing this down sounds weird. Anyway, I want to know how to hold onto her innocence. I want to protect her from from harm, from others and also from herself. I know the greatest harm done to me has been by my own hand and thoughts. Will she be the same? different? Are we all like that? How can I help her be strong and think clearly and lovingly. To embrace herself lovingly as well as others. I'm sure it starts with me, I know it does. I'm still learning though, will that be good enough for her? Alright I could ramble on but I'm taking a computer break today and that needs to start about now, the natives are getting restless.
5 comments:
What you wrote really resonated with me. I often wonder, if I have children, will I be good enough. Will my faults, and past mistakes, make me a better or worse Mom. Will I be able to teach them everything I didn't learn. Will I be able to instill in them a love of life, people, but mostly of themselves. I did so much harm to myself through the last 35 years by not believing in me. By listening to others thoughts of me and not listening to my heart and myself? Does that even make sense??
Oh man, in a nutshell, everything I feared when we rolled the dice to have a baby - and still work with. Well said - yes - you made perfect sense...
I'm prepared to totally screw up my child. This way, I can only improve from there :)
You are an incredibly insightful mom. And that's half the battle.
I think that sometimes some really beautiful things lie in between thoughts that we feel don't make sense :) if that makes sense! :)
when you write i feel my heart warming and resonating with what you say. i've felt and am still feeling all of these feelings. it's a milky circle of life. ;-D
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