Thursday, March 18, 2010

...'cause I know the biggest crime is to just throw up your hands
say this has nothing to do with me
I just want to live as comfortable as I can
you got to look outside your eyes
you got to look outside brain
you got to walk outside your life
to where the neighborhood changes
...I was a long time coming
I'll be a long time coming
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when your willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right.

- Ani Difranco

I was singing along to this song today on the way to my psychiatrist appointment. When I got to the last few lines I was belting out the words and just got choked up and started crying. Something my therapist says "you've got depression, or it has you" rang in my head and I knew the time had come for me to fight. I may have inherited my lovely blue gene's but I've got to look outside myself until my "neighborhood changes". I've got fight in me. Instead of laying down I need to listen to my brain and go outside, go to the gym, go hug my kids. I don't figure my depression will magically disappear with a little fight from me, but at least I'LL have it and not the other way around


Amy said...

well put.
I was thinking the other day that I feel like I have outgrown my depression. I just kept slugging it out, lots of peaks and valleys, and feel like I finally really really won. It doesn't mean I don't struggle now and then, but I certainly own it, not vice versa. You are onto something huge here, I can feel the power in your words.

vickie said...

i do this often...hear a song like that and suddenly start crying...i dunno, sometimes i feel it's just the emotional me. but i don't know your journey...just wanted to say it is something i have done and doesn't sound odd or anything to me.

nice to see you blogging again