Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Stella

I get lost in her. In her eyes and her beauty. In her little lisp and her messy hair. Those eyes, the shape and the color. She will be 4 in a few days and she has changed so much in three years, I wonder what the 4th will bring. There is a pit of fear deep inside of me that I will teach her the wrong things, that she will absorb my sins and carry them in her mind and body and they will live on to torture her, even if they no longer inhabit me. I'm doing what I can to teach her what's important. To love, to respect, to give, to care, for herself and others. She is a beautiful little girl, inside and out. I want to whisper it in her ear and have the words become a gentle physical swirling stream that goes in and flows down to her heart and rests there, so she will always know and never doubt how amazing she is.

8 comments:

Marz said...

I know in the end that children like to hear about the lives/sins/hearts of their parents, and there will be a right time for that. I hope all our kids find security in our love for them and ultimately from God who doesn't let us down! :) Because I know I will/have let my kids down. :)

Renee said...

She is beautiful. I forget that she and John M. are almost the exact same age.

jenica said...

the fact that you're pondering these things is testiment that you are raising her right, raising her to see and find her own beauty, raising her to love god. you ARE a good mama. as much love as you have for her, how much more do you believe that god loves you? ;-D

xoxo

Helen said...

Yes she is a beautiful girl. Happy Birthday Stella!!

About this animal said...

If all parents felt such awe for their little ones, what a peaceful world we would live in...
Happy birthday, quiet little girl. We love you.

dunhamdancer said...

You write so beautifully!

Elissa said...

oh how you have hit on one of my biggest fears and struggles. maybe that of any parent, but some of us feel it more than others. i have so many traits that i do not want them to inherit and yet, some of them i already get glimpses of. i imagine, in spite of everything they may struggle with in life, we must just continue to reassure them of our love and God's love. Just your awareness and contemplation of these things shows how much you love your children and re the best for them. keep doing what you're doing. it will be blessed.

Anonymous said...

She is adorable!! i love her lisp. (remember i had one too?)

luv, Heidi