.

2010-11-10T10:15:00.002-07:00

I found Rocky this morning in Stella's bed with a stash of candy hidden under the covers. He'd already eaten a few. I can trust the older two with their bags of candy, but not Rocky.

He sneaks candy whenever I'm not looking. Jack and Stella are pretty responsible with it.

greatful friday

2010-11-05T12:30:00.003-06:00

- sunshine
- being over the flu
- smell of beans cooking
- warm apple strusel muffins
- my husband
- our cats and dog

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T10:48:00.002-06:00

Last night we went to a fun Halloween party put on my our friend Trish. It was so much fun. Delicious food, fun games, and good friends. Happy Halloween to you.

Grateful Friday

2010-10-29T08:58:00.002-06:00

- movies from the library. The kids stayed home from school today sick and it's nice to have movies that we normally don't have laying around.
- Halloween party tomorrow at Trish's house (if kids aren't still sick).
- My health, a little 8 yr old friend of ours just relapsed with her leukemia, I'm so grateful for health in my family.
- Whipped cream. yum!
- The Giants winning the first 2 games!!
- Kung Fu Panda
- Warm scarves and blankets.

2010-10-28T09:45:00.002-06:00

I'm enjoying knitting lately. It's been cold in the morning around here in the house and it's nice to dig my hands into the yarn and start working. I'm a slow knitter, and despite having been a knitter for a couple of years now I still can't knit much beyond scarves. I know with a little help I'd be able to bust a hat or something out but I just haven't really tried yet. For now though I'm enjoying knitting my scarves for friends for Christmas gifts.

another girl

2010-10-27T12:14:00.002-06:00

Here's another girl. She's wearing a mask for Halloween. :) I've been obsessing a little over these drawings, not sure why. I'm not a great drawer and there is lots of erasing involved. I'm having fun coming up with outfits for them though and little expressions for their faces. Maybe I'll start naming them. I started water coloring some of them, but I'm not sure I like them as much water colored.

2010-10-25T10:04:00.002-06:00

This weekend my creative juices were flowing. I sketched some girls that I really liked and want to explore some more. I baked some and knitted. Over the last few months I have felt my creativeness sort of dulled but finally I feel it sneaking it's way back in in different ways. I'm happy about this.

2010-10-22T10:19:00.003-06:00

Yesterday we decorated cupcakes. It was a nice cool day and it was comforting to have the oven on and the smell of cupcakes filling up the house.

I've been wanting to bake more. I saw a recipe for a upside down pear cake yesterday that looked so good. I think it's the weather that is inspiring me.

2010-10-18T17:30:00.002-06:00

We went to Muir Woods on Saturday. It was really beautiful. It was like being in a mini yosemite with all the crowds and gift shop and nature trails all around.

We brought in KFC and picnicked in the snack area. Then we went and explored the park.

Grateful Friday

2010-10-15T14:28:00.002-06:00

- clothes hung out on the line
- watching the kids play in the sprinkler
- sitting and talking with my friend Trish on Wednesday
- ice cream

- community gardens
- Martha Stewart Living Magazine
- John's sweetness
- Stella lost her second tooth

- bright flowers
- Bob Marley
- Mondo on Project Runway
- purple fingernail polish

Grateful Friday

2010-10-08T09:36:00.002-06:00

If you ask Jack what he wants to be when he grows up, he'll tell you an artist.

He stays up late drawing and stays in bed until the last minute drawing in the morning. I find little pieces of "art" around the house.

Taped to the walls. Yesterday I found these two pieces. I haven't asked him for names for them yet, but I love finding them. The taped rocks were taped to the middle of our living room wall. He doesn't think he is doing art, he is just making these things that he thinks are cool and wants to show them off to everyone. The definition of an artist right? :)

The leaf with the soda can top and the dangling spiky balls was hanging from a blade of grass taped to our refrigerator. I can't wait to see if Jack really stays an artist as he grows up. In my mind he already is one. He is beautiful.

Grateful list
1. The artist in our house
2. Date night tonight
3. Playing farmville
4. Coffee
5. Sitting and having coffee with my mom
6. Feeling better today (was feeling a bit sick the last few days)
7. Pancakes with whiped cream
8. New notebooks
9. New books waiting for me at the library
10. It's Friday!!!

hardly strickly bluegrass

2010-10-04T16:23:00.002-06:00

Sunday, John and I went to the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass concert in Golden Gate park. It was insanely crowded but so worth it. This crowd was for the Indigo Girls, I had a hard time capturing how many people were really there, it was amazing. They sounded great! We saw Early Scruggs next and then the highlight for me, and the reason we came, was to see Patti Smith

She was awesome. She rocked it with some newer stuff and then ended it with Gloria. She sounded even better then her albums and I could feel her energy. We ended our day at the concert with Emmylou Harris who sounded just like a pretty little songbird, and then we were off so catch our bus home. It was an incredibly fun day. Also I want to say a special thanks to my mom who came and watched the kids. Thanks mom, your my hero!

Grateful Friday

2010-10-01T10:23:00.002-06:00

Coffee
Mornings spent with Rocky
Watching Stella sleep
Watching Jack draw late at night
Seeing Patti Smith this weekend
The library
My friend Rachel

2010-09-24T09:46:00.002-06:00

Rocky and I are at odds. He thinks he can run all over me and get away with it, and I think I can boss him around and get away with it and neither of us are right. I love this little guy but he is a pain in my butt most days. He screams at me, and publicly throws insanely loud tantrums that leave me sweaty and stunned. He tells his brother and sister to shut up on a regular basis and tells me he is going to punch me in the heart frequently. He is not like Jack and Stella in any way when they were this age. He's a little mischievous elf version of them. Sneaking punches when your not looking. Like I said I love this little guy. yes I do. Sometimes I have to repeat it like a mantra I love him I love him I love him to drown out any other words that might be bubbling up to the surface. He has his sweet points, he'll hug me spontaneously and still wants to cuddle with me at night. He's cute and has a sweet voice and loves animals. Sometimes he hurts animals too, but that's just sometimes so we won't count that. Anyway I love him I love him I love him even though he made me chase him all over the school parking lot dodging cars this morning while dropping off Jack and Stella, screaming like a mad woman for him to please please stop, he didn't listen so I ran until he stopped running and then I told him if he did that again he would be in his room for the rest of his life. He started crying. Yea I exaggerated, I just didn't' know what else to say. Anyway it's all over now, it's a new day and we are about to go to the grocery store. I hope it goes well, there is always that chance.

2010-09-22T09:06:00.003-06:00

Stella turns 6 today. She is my sweetheart, my little girl who still looks like a baby when she sleeps. She wore a flower wreath in her hair to school today. She was beautiful as she literally skipped into her classroom this morning. I can't get over how much of a girly girl she is. She can't stand pants and wears dresses or skirts every day. She has such a tender heart and I can foresee the teenage girl she is going to be. Stella still snuggles into bed with us each night her warm body pressed against mine, she may be getting older but she is still such a little little girl. I love her so much.

Grateful Friday

2010-09-17T10:15:00.002-06:00

crafts that my sons like
new books and movies from the library
planning Stella's birthday party
patti smith concert getting closer
teaching Rocky numbers and letters
the nice weather
our new yellow bathroom
getting interested in continuing my 100 strangers project again
pomogranite kefir

Grateful Friday

2010-09-10T15:37:00.002-06:00

- 2 play dates for Jack and Stella this week
- Brown Cow maple yogurt
- I entered 2 photography contests this week
- My mom agreed to watch the kids while John and I go see Patti Smith
- My new chalk board
- Having awesome neighbors
- Having free time with Rocky in the morning
- Rocky's games Tickle Tackle and Buttons on Buttons
- Meeting really nice mom's at school
- My sweet John eating chocolate late at night in bed with me while we watch tv
- Project Runway
- Swimming at the gym
- Shopping at thrift stores

found

2010-09-06T17:39:00.002-06:00

This is what we are having for dinner tonight. The chalk board I wrote it on is what I found this weekend at a flea market we went to. I'm so in love with it. I love the pink frame the most and the itsy bit of gold peeking through. Stella also found herself a sweet little lonely doll to take home with her. Besides having a cold and missing Church this has been a pretty good weekend. We did lots of stuff around the house, mowed the lawn, and found a new bunk bed at our neighbors garage sale for the boys for a steal. Hope you all had a good weekend too.

2010-09-03T12:59:00.003-06:00

This is the kids crew minus Jack. They hang out everyday. They are our neighborhood kids, and daily, after school they knock on each other's doors and head into each others backyards, or houses or out into the streets to play. They are best friends. They are really sweet kids and make the neighborhood a fun place to live.

2010-09-01T16:26:00.002-06:00

I never know where my path is going to lead me. The last couple years have been pretty rough. It's smoothing out now though and I just started studying herbology through an online school called Vintage Remedies. So far I love it. I've also found myself longing to be pregnant again. Longing to feel a baby in me, to be in labor to have everything that it means to be pregnant. I decided that maybe I want to be a midwife or a doula instead. Then I thought some more an think that being a doula is the more realistic choice for me out of the two of those options. So after I study my herbology I'm going to study to become a doula (or maybe a midwife if I'm super ambitious). I had a doula with my second child and while she wasn't' very helpful to me, I can see where they could be. If I would have had one with my first baby it would have been ideal. Anyway who knows really where my path will lead me but I feel it going in this direction for sure.

2010-08-29T17:53:00.002-06:00

John tried to teach Jack how to ride his bike yesterday. There was lots of wobbling and running and crying. He's had training wheels on his bike for awhile now. Really it's our fault for not teaching him earlier than now.

I have a feeling the longer you wait to teach a kid the harder it is to teach them. Our first lesson ended in frusteration. I hope next time we can end with some smiles.

25 lb challenge

2010-08-26T11:23:00.003-06:00

This photo has nothing to do with this post, Rocky was just being silly and I thought his little face was cute. Anyway onto my post. I'm challenging myself to lose 25 lbs by Christmas. I have more to lose, but I think this is a reasonable amount to shoot for. I'll be going to the gym, watching what I eat, and going on hikes and bike rides with Rocky while the other 2 are in school. So I'll update my blog every now and then with my progress. Wish me luck!!

first day of school

2010-08-25T09:25:00.001-06:00

jack and stella went off to school today. The first day of 1st grade. There was lots of tears. My little guy welled up as soon as we walked into the room saying "I don't' like this room". It was sort of dim in there and there were lots of kids sitting in desks crammed together. I felt for him, because I didn't like the room either. Jack is sensitive to his surroundings. Stella clung to me and didn't want to let go. They were both pretty brave in the end though and let me go. I love them and wish I could be with them right now to see how they are doing.

my bike

2010-08-23T16:29:00.002-06:00

My bike is covered in webs. It has sat for a couple seasons unriden. Spiders have made it their home. The brakes went out last summer and I haven't bothered to get them fixed yet. I'm motivated now though.

School is starting for the kids on Wednesday, and Rocky and I will want to go on some rides together. I love my bike. It's a bright yellow Giant cruiser with a black basket up front. Last time I rode is without brakes I nearly killed myself. It's on my to do list this week to fix them. I plan to be back up and riding within a week. Cruising our local bike trail, looking for ducks swimming in the canal to show Rocky.

family

2010-08-23T11:12:00.002-06:00

We went to a wedding last night. And it was beautiful. The best part for me thought was just hanging out with my family. We live about an hour away and I don't get to see them as much as I'd like to. So it was a real treat to just sit and enjoy them.

my sister and I.

my wonderful husband.

My niece Hallie and Stella.

my wonderful mom and my friend Marigie

2010-08-21T20:40:00.001-06:00

I love this. Enjoy.

2010-08-21T20:27:00.003-06:00

Rocky is our rough and tumble kid. He's loud and defiant and rude. He like to tell you that he'll "punch you in the heart" when he is mad at you, with squinty little eyes and a tight mouth. It's sort of ironic we named him Rocky because he is constantly hitting people when his button's get pushed. Which is easy to do. He is a sweetheart though too. He still falls asleep at night with my by his side. In the middle of the night he crawls in beside me and snuggles in. Jack and Stella will be going to school next week. Rocky and I will have lots of time together. I plan on a weekly hike day. Different locations around the east bay each week. Maybe we'll find a play group to join too, not sure about that one. Anyway that is a little bit about Rocky. He's my baby and I love him.

Redwoods

2010-08-20T13:33:00.002-06:00

We went to the Redwoods in Humbolt state park last week. It is one of our favorite places to go. This is the first time we have taken the kids and they loved it.

class of 2022

2010-06-19T11:05:00.003-06:00

Jack and Stella graduated from Kindergarten last week. I got teary for a second and then pulled it together. They were proud, I screamed their names as they got their little diploma. Next year on to 1st grade. A full day of school. For now they are enjoying the summer not even thinking about school.

7

2010-04-28T09:29:00.002-06:00

Jack turns 7 today. My little "Happy Jack". Grandma used to call him that. It's a funny nick name now. He was always a bit temperamental. He's has such a tender sweet heart. We gave him a Lego set this morning and he started it right away. It was torture getting him out the door for school.

Tonight we are going out for ice cream sundaes to celebrate. Saturday we are having a party for him. I love my Jack. Happy Birthday love.

dresses

2010-04-20T09:30:00.003-06:00

I've been making lots of dresses for Stella lately. Mainly because I've been so bored. I'm a a streak of boredom I can't explain. I want to do nothing and see nothing to do. Yes there is housework and I do it, but then what? I started asking myself if I could do anything right now what would it be? The answer kept being "make Stella dresses", so that's how it started. My making dresses, almost everyday. The same cute summer dress with fabric I find at thrift stores. She loves them and I love them.

today

2010-04-16T09:51:00.002-06:00

Jack lost his front tooth yesterday. He is so cute with the gap. Today feels like a good day. I think my new medication is working better than the old, and the weather is so nice it HAS to be a good day. I've been making Stella dresses, so today I'm off to Goodwill to look for some fabric. I love looking for fabric in thrift stores. I always find some cute sheets with pretty bright flowers or swirls on them. They make cute dresses. Though Stella asked me if I would make her a shirt. I said I would try, but I'm afraid that might be beyond my sewing skills.

2010-04-15T09:14:00.002-06:00

Rocky took a nap with the cat yesterday. He usually crashes in the afternoon. I've been wanting a nap time myself these days. Usually when Rocky falls asleep I try and lay down and steal some sleep as well. Though it's always a half sleep and interrupted, but it's the best I can hope for with 3 kids.

spring break

2010-04-10T11:05:00.002-06:00

Spring break is almost over for my kids. We had fun going to the Jelly Belly factory and the exploritorium in San Fransisco. We spent some time flying kites at the beach and we went and say How To Train Your Dragon. I'm proud of myself for braving most of these things alone, just with me and the kids. Usually I avoid big outings if John isn't going to be there, fearful of handling the kids on my own. But this week was great. I didn't lose anyone and no major meltdowns on any of our outings.

Today

2010-03-30T10:21:00.002-06:00

Today is cold and windy out. The kids are in school and I just got back from Kohol's. We keep getting these $10 off coupons so I went and used one and got this really cute short sleeved cardigan. I have therapy tonight and am wondering what to talk about. I'm not as depressed as I was, I'm always afraid I'm going to bore her. I had a therapist fall asleep on me once. Ouch! Jack and Stella are in school right now and Rocky and I are hanging out. I think we'll dye some Easter eggs today. The kids will like that and it will get them away from the TV for awhile.

HOME

2010-03-25T18:15:00.002-06:00

It's 5:15pm and I'm drinking coffee. I'm trying to wake myself up because I'm going to the movies tonight with my friend Trish. I was up a lot last night with Rocky so I'm feeling extra tired right now. We are seeing "Alice in Wonderland". Johnny Depp is in that movie. Johnny Depp. How I love Johnny Depp. Ok well every time I'm supposed to go out somewhere fun like this I end up having this feeling like I just want to stay home. I'm not going to because, like I said, Johnny Depp is in this movie. But I get all sentimental about abandoning John and how ever will Rocky go to sleep without ME there? I think of how warm our house is and how cold it is outside, and I think about how I could go to bed early to try and get more sleep. I always do that though. I never go to the movies with my friends. I HAVE to go. John won't let me stay home. Trish would kick my butt. I'll look forward to heading home after the movie and tell John all about Johnny Depp, uh, I mean "Alice in Wonderland".

Drive by

2010-03-25T11:29:00.002-06:00

Every morning on their way to school a woman and her daughter drive by our house and slow to a stop in front of our mailbox. They are looking at the freesia flowers. I happened to be out there one morning and the woman rolled down her window and said that the other day she had picked one for her daughter so she could see what a freesia smells like and now everyday they just stop and look for a second. I think it's all very sweet. I'm so glad they took a flower to smell it and come by every morning. Seeing them is a nice way to start the morning.

changes

2010-03-23T11:27:00.002-06:00

I'm adjusting to some changes. Mainly my weight. Due to some trial and error with medications in the last few months I've gained over 30 pounds. AGHHHHH!! did I just say that?? It's true. I went from a 100 lb waif a year ago to a 160+ lb woman now. The increase did not take a year, I gained the weight in a super short period of time. I'm still in shock I think. When I see people I haven't seen in awhile I have to psych myself up so I won't chicken out and run away. I'm not saying I hate my body like this. Some days I like it just fine. It's just been a huge adjustment. It look me a long time to accept my body at a normal weight and now I'm looking at it with rolls and dimples I never had before. I've been going to the gym trying to work it off. No starving for me. This is my chance to prove to myself that I can control myself in a healthy way. A loving way. Wish me luck.

2010-03-22T17:56:00.002-06:00

I just took this picture of Pudding a few minutes ago. Doesn't she still look like a puppy? She's still really small and such a snugly little dog. She sleeps with us at night, wiggling her way down under the sheets right next to our bodies. She is a sweetheart.

2010-03-22T11:51:00.002-06:00

Saturday night we went to the beach and had a bon fire. We loaded up the car with wood we found around our neighborhood and piled into the car with some friends and headed out.

There were lots of other fires that night, and it was nice to look out onto the dark beach and see the other flickering lights.

Trish brought KFC and Henry her dog. We roasted marshmallows and watched the fire dancer off in the distance.

It was a great time.

2010-03-19T09:32:00.000-06:00

I need a house elf.

2010-03-18T13:48:00.002-06:00

...'cause I know the biggest crime is to just throw up your hands
say this has nothing to do with me
I just want to live as comfortable as I can
you got to look outside your eyes
you got to look outside brain
you got to walk outside your life
to where the neighborhood changes
...I was a long time coming
I'll be a long time coming
you've got your whole life to do something
and that's not very long
so why don't you give me a call
when your willing to fight
for what you think is real
for what you think is right.

- Ani Difranco

I was singing along to this song today on the way to my psychiatrist appointment. When I got to the last few lines I was belting out the words and just got choked up and started crying. Something my therapist says "you've got depression, or it has you" rang in my head and I knew the time had come for me to fight. I may have inherited my lovely blue gene's but I've got to look outside myself until my "neighborhood changes". I've got fight in me. Instead of laying down I need to listen to my brain and go outside, go to the gym, go hug my kids. I don't figure my depression will magically disappear with a little fight from me, but at least I'LL have it and not the other way around

2010-03-17T17:01:00.002-06:00

Rocky is sleeping and jack and Stella are over at the neighbors playing. I sat outside for awhile and soaked up some sun. It's quiet around here. I'm worried a little. I went over to our neighbors house awhile ago to tell Stella something and saw a shotgun sitting up against a wall. Not locked up or anything, just leaning there. So I probably should have called them home, but I'm trusting that it's not loaded and that everything will be OK. My gut is bothering me about it though so maybe I should go get them. Definitely having a gun talk tonight.

sick day

2010-03-17T10:31:00.003-06:00

Dropping off the kids at school in the morning is always a bit of a trial. They don't like going. There are many hugs and kisses and whines involved. Sometimes tears. It breaks my heart. When one is sick though and the other one still has to go it's ten times worse. I was very close to just dragging Jack out of the classroom as "sick" too. Stella IS sick, Jack just hates that she gets to stay home and he doesn't. I feel bad for him. So while Jack is at school today I'm snuggling next to my warm Stella and hoping she will be better tomorrow. I'm hoping that Jack has fun today and comes home happy.

2010-03-15T10:49:00.002-06:00

Stella and Rachael. How I love watching them together. There are no rules with them. If you turn your back they are living out their imagination. Somthering themselves with your best cream, or making it rain in the bedroom. Depression has been sitting heavy on me lately. The kind that makes me want to stay in bed, that makes me wander the house aimlessly. Except I can't. I have three kids who need me. I'm grateful for them. Sometimes I watch them and envy their freedom. They are walking energy bursts. Sometimes it's too much to watch as I struggle to breathe with this heavy heart. I want to stop them and steal some of it away, to hold them and absorb some of their joy and energy. I'll have to settle for their sweet hugs and pushing through and giving as much as I can to them, because I love them, and because they keep me going, and get me up out of bed, and make me see the good things in life.

2010-01-19T06:46:00.002-07:00

It's storming outside, what better reason to talk about my garden, right. I'm dreaming of all the vegetables and fruit I'm going to grow this year in my garden. I've been trying to dig out the existing raised bed at our new house. It's been rough with lots of roots and a huge rosemary plant I still haven't been able to fully dig up. Once it's all nice and pretty though it will be a nice place for my garden.

2010-01-13T07:14:00.003-07:00

We are moving slow through life over here these days. Taking naps and taking walks by the boat docks. Pudding likes to sleep all day and play all night, it's like having a newborn. The kids are in school now. Homeschool needed to be put on hold for now. So the kids are trying to like school and hating their homework, along with me.

We are watching movies and hanging out with friends a lot lately. It's been nice. I think I might have the Power Ranger movie memorized by now. Coffee is my morning friend around here, along with a little reading and time alone with Rocky while the kids are at school. Slow is good for me. We are enjoying life at right now.

Pudding

2010-01-08T10:04:00.001-07:00

Meet Pudding. We picked her up from the shelter yesterday. We've been talking about getting a dog for awhile now and had finally settled on a Golden Retriever. Well, that was until I went to the shelter and fell in love with this little terrier mix. She was all alone in a big cement cage shaking from the loud dogs next door. I called John right then and there and he gave me the go ahead to get her. She kept us up all night last night, ahhh newborns, they are all the same. She is a sweetheart.

Today

2010-01-06T19:08:00.003-07:00

Today we went on a hike with our friends. We hiked by Lake Anza in Berkeley. It was a really nice time. I all tuckered out from it though. Way out of shape am I. :)

Stella and Rachael got to have lots of time together. These girls are a joy to watch together. I hope they stay friends for a very long time.

2010-01-04T12:04:00.002-07:00

I have a crush on Dick Van Dyke. Does he not seem like the happiest person ever. I love watching him sing and act. He's always wearing a little smile. I saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the first time last night. I though I had seen it before and not liked it. But NOOO, I'd never seen it and I LOVED it. Loved all the singing and especially Dick. I love the house they lived in with the giant wind mill and thier eccentric grandfather. Now I want to rent Mary Poppins again just to see Mr. Van Dyke dancing on the rooftops.

Greatful Friday

2010-01-01T07:21:00.002-07:00

Slivers of light
Warm quilts found at flea markets
Hot bagels with butter
Rocky's new haircut
A new year
Hanging out with friends again
Trish babysitting for me yesterday :)
Hot showers
Our new house

2009-12-29T15:40:00.003-07:00

I bought this doll at a flea market for my daughter. She didn't look like this when I bought her. She was quite pretty. flawless skin and her hair all pinned up in a fancy bun. She was wearing a fluffy pink tutu with white stockings and little ballerina slippers. I bought it for my daughter for Christmas. I was the one in love with it though. I've never been this sort of doll girl. The Victorian dolls all fancied up. But she was in amongst a box full of dull looking girls, and she shown. Stella had her less than 2 days before she stripped her naked and drew on her face. Today she said "mommy, look someone shot her eye out". :(. I realized that the doll was meant for me, not for her. I should have kept it, what did I think a five year old was going to do with it? My hopes were she would fall in love with here and keep her nice and neat. Nooooo, she wanted to PLAY with the thing. To tattoo her face and shoot her in the eye. I can't help looked at the little doll now and think I betrayed her a little. I promised her a home and yet I let my 5 year of ravish her. She has a permanent wink now. Poor thing. Lesson in all this. No Fancy toys for my girl. If I fall in love with a toy, it's OK to just keep it for myself.

2009-12-25T11:39:00.002-07:00

Merry Christmas! Our first Christmas in our new house. Whoohooo! The house is a mess with wrapping paper, just as it should be. Have a good day everyone.

2009-12-24T17:42:00.002-07:00

John and I celebrated our 10 yr anniversary in San Diego. Friends and family watched the kids for a 3 day weekend while we flew off to Coronado Island in San Diego. There is nothing like having 3 days alone with your husband. We ordered room service and went to the beach and did a ton of other things. Thank you John, and Happy Anniversary. I love you.

napping

2009-10-18T18:00:00.002-06:00

My blog is taking a nap. It got all snuggled up in it's blankie and fell right to sleep. I'm sure it will wake up soon. I hope it wakes up happy, nothing worse than a grumpy blog.

5

2009-09-26T17:09:00.002-06:00

Stella is five now. She's had a haircut since the last time you've seen her. She has a few more freckles too. Today we had a nice little party with our favorite people for her. She's a smart little one. A tale teller for sure. I never know what is real with her. She insists to all of her friends that a rattle snake bit her in her bedroom. I'm pretty sure she made that one up.

the good things

2009-09-25T11:31:00.002-06:00

- being home
- Lilly and Violet our 2 new kitties
- Spending alone time with Rocky today
- Friends like Trish
- Husbands like John
- Chocolate pudding

- Cake at night after the kids go to bed
- Buying our first house
- Long hot showers
- My friends, I have the most amazing friends.

2009-08-12T06:32:00.002-06:00

Near Donner lake, there are some old train tunnels that have been abandoned. The old wood and iron of the torn out rails is scattered all down the side of the mountain. We climbed up to the tunnels and walked through them. It was so much fun. Sometimes maintenance cars drive through them and we were lucky enough to be in the middle of a tunnel when one came by. John and I heard a deep rumble and crunching. A booming echo. Not knowing it was a car at first we looked at each other freaked out. I was terrified that every movie I've seen about ghost trains was about to come true. We ran for the walls and realized it was a car coming and we all relaxed.

we hiked

2009-08-10T23:12:00.002-06:00

We did some hiking on our vacation. Stella is always our reluctant hiker, but I must say this time she did pretty good. I for some reason was the only reluctant out. Well, maybe fearful is the word. Once we got away from the main road I started thinking I was going to see a bear following behind us. Every snap of a twig had me startled. John assured me that he would have no problem scaring them off, so I took comfort in that. Sort of. Anyway, we made it out alive, with our collecting bags full of pine cones and moss and flowers to dry. Jack spent the entire trip trying to catch a grasshopper to put in his bag.

back from vacation

2009-08-10T10:10:00.002-06:00

This is a sunset at Serene Lakes near Truckee. We spent our vacation here and it was really amazing. We were sitting on the shore watching the sun set while John and his uncle Joe were out in a canoe fishing. Lots of geese and mama and baby ducks swam up to us. Soon the bat's came out and we watched them swooping around catching mosquito's.

movie night

2009-07-27T13:37:00.002-06:00

My friend Trish and I and our husbands threw a movie/dessert potluck in our backyard on Saturday night. What a wonderful time. We had friends and our families all snuggled up in blankets and pillows on our grass under the stars.

I can't wait to do it again. I love summer.

Grateful Friday

2009-07-17T09:23:00.002-06:00

- Stella and Rachael
- Swimming today with friends
- Vanilla ice cream
- Excited to read "Brave New World" (I've never read it)
- Late nights in a sheet fort outside with John and the kids
- BBQ's with friends

- Yogurt with nuts in it
- Making a counter offer this morning on a house we want
- Our little bee hive
- Another owl in our palm tree. Now we have two.
- "Three little birds" by Bob Marley

- A summer mix CD my friend Maritza gave me
- The wonderfully beautiful and always inspiring blog Homeschool.Style.Bytes Check out her giveaway this week!!

Late nights

2009-07-06T09:39:00.003-06:00

When the weather turns really hot we let the kids stay up until it starts to cool a little. Usually it's 10 or 11. We sit in the back yard and talk and look at the stars or just watch the kids act silly. There were a couple days like this last week. Jack had to be coaxed out, away from his drawing, and then even once we got him outside he would eventually find his way back in to his drawing. He loves to trace. He uses tracing paper and traces every "cool" picture he comes across.

Many nights after we put them down Jack will stay up awhile drawing. A friend ours gave him a Ed Emberley "orange" book. He love the step by step and I'm amazed at how his pictures come out. I've found myself loosening up on the bedtime hour lately. Not just because of the heat. The later daylight hours is certainly a factor, but also I'm just loving watching the kids engrossed in whatever late night activity they find.

Maceration

2009-07-01T16:56:00.002-06:00

So you want to know how to clean a bone you've found? You've come to the right place. I never thought I would need to know this, but my son has a devoted interest in bones. He finds them virtually everywhere we go. We can be a a city playground, and I'll hear him yell out "MOM!! I found a BONE!!, look at this!!" Then I'm presented with a hopefully feather and skin free bone (though sometimes not so lucky). So a year or so ago I consulted the Bone Room website and have been using these instructions for cleaning bones ever since. Warning: if you DO find yourself stepping into the world of bones and maceration, you might want to consider keeping your soaking treasures in a warm spot OUTSIDE. They stink. A lot. Worse then you think. Mucho Stinko. Ok, if you can get over that, and well, the cleaning off of the dead flesh part, you are good to go. Happy bone finding.

Maceration - Using bacterial action to clean bone
This is the simplest method of cleaning bone.

Remove any remaining tissue or hide from the bone
Immerse the bone in a container of water.
Leave the container in a warm location where you won't mind the smell.
Periodically pour the greasy, smelly water out (gardens love it!) and replace with fresh water.
When the water runs clear, the bacteria have run their course.
Soak the bone in regular drugstore strength hydrogen peroxide until it reaches the whiteness you prefer. This also sterilizes the bone.
You're done!

Outing

2009-06-30T10:12:00.003-06:00

Jack, Stella, Rocky, and myself took the BART train into San Francisco last week and met some friends at the Yerba Buena Gardens. It was a mighty adventure for us. The thought of riding on the BART train anywhere without John, let alone the city, has always been quite a terrifying thought for me. 3 kids, one mom, and a public transit system I know virtually nothing about. I swallowed my fear and embraced the day and it was so much fun. I won't go into the details of just how confusing buying tickets was to me, and how nearly every time I tried to go through the turnstile I was directed to "see attendant", because that could easily fill a whole post.

Instead I'll tell you about the kids excitement at seeing their friends waiting for us at the station in SF, and how they ran around and ate lunch by the waterfalls, dipping their hands into the water and soaking up the sun.

They played and played and when it was time to go we headed home happy and satisfied.

colorful

2009-06-24T08:50:00.003-06:00

She brings the sparkle into our days. Mud and bugs and spiders tend to dominate around here. Detailed dissections of owl pellets, and bones, bones, bones are what fills the days of my boys. Stella though, she's going to dance party's with her dolls and frequently I find her painting her own fingernails. Some days she insists on being called Rose and other days Luna. She comes to me as Fluna, Airadel, Shine, Cha Cha, and Hello. She plays the parts and tells me what the other girls are doing. They are all sisters and all have need of a mom just like me. :) She is a girl wonderland, in her mind and in life. Horses, Kitty's, sequins, lotion, perfume, dolls, pink, princesses, butterfly's. She picks out her own outfits almost daily, asking me to lay the clothing out on the floor so she can pick the best outfit for the day. Most of the time I do it, and watch her scan each selection with a little smile on her face and then she points to one and announces her choice with glee. I love her, her freckles, and her brown eyes and her perfect little nose. She is a splash of delightful color in our mud bug filled days.

weeks

2009-06-12T09:51:00.005-06:00

The weeks are passing by quickly. We've been busy doing this and that. Today we are headed to Sacramento to see my family. We've had some health challenges in my family lately, hearts and backs and toes. The last, the toe, belongs to Jack my son. He had a nasty growth carved out of his big toe. Down to the bone. Gross. They are testing it, but I'm sure it's nothing. So he is laid up for a week, no walking, foot raised. Lovely friends brought Jack a care package yesterday with books and activities that he could do while he was sitting around. I love our friends. I feel very very loved. A week or so ago we went and explored a creek with the same friends, a lovely day of getting wet and catching creek creatures. I miss some of my other friends I haven't seen in awhile. Lorissa, Gretchen,Amy (I know you live right by me!!). Our cat Holly passed away last week. We've lost 3 cat's in the last 6 months. We'd had Holly for 10 years and she was a big adorable sweetheart. We think she fell from our neighbors roof, if there was a cat CSI I would hire them though. All and all, through the good and bad our weeks are passing and I am riding the waves just fine. OK, off to Sac now, I have to figure out how to rig the back seat so Jack is comfortable, and then Starbucks for the ride :), a splurge to myself. Love to you, have a great weekend.

memorial day.

2009-05-29T13:24:00.003-06:00

We headed out of town for the memorial day weekend. Spent time on the beach and visited the Golden Gate National Cemetery. 161 acres of gravestones. It was sobering. I had never been to a national cemetery before and I'm glad we went.

We had our first discussion with the kids about war and about the veterans that were in our family. We talked about being respectful in cemeteries (though that did not stop them from running around like lunatics). This will be a new tradition for our family on memorial day. Thank you to all who serve and have served.

Greatful Friday

2009-05-22T09:55:00.002-06:00

1. New books from the library
2. Birds chirping in the morning
3. Our kids
4. Friends coming this weekend
5. Campout in the backyard tonight
6. Playdate in a couple hours

7. My morning coffee
8. My sweet husband
9. Cold yogurt and hot coffee
10. My friends
11. Bust magazine
12. Beach next week.

2009-05-18T15:58:00.002-06:00

My days have been filled with naked kids and clothes line forts. I clean up muddy foot tracks through the house almost every day. They can't seem to remember to wipe their feet. They run in in a frenzy excited, looking for the perfect toy for whatever game they are playing. Frequently the bathrooms sinks are converted into mini pools for Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake. Rocky and Stella make good playmates.

I'm reading through Revelations like it's a science fiction novel. Page after page of things I can picture, but don't quite get. I do laundry, and dishes, and check the computer frequently for new foreclosures that may have come up on the market. We are house hunting and it's exciting. Right now Jack is washing the mud off of himself. Rocky and Stella are eating strawberry's naked at the kitchen table. I congratulate myself that they are not ON the kitchen table. Our days are simple and full. We are up early and enjoy the greeting the chirping birds give us. Sometimes I'm able to just stop and listen and turn my mind off and just be happy. This does not come easy to me despite having a wonderful life. Lately though I've been able to push the heavy stone off my chest and breathe. I know it will come back and I'm OK with that, I've learned to live with it there and thrive. I do welcome this reprieve though. Life is good today.

missing miss honey

2009-05-11T03:58:00.002-06:00

It's 2:58 am and I can't stop coughing. I've been coughing since Thursday I think. We were all sick this weekend. I NEVER take cough medicine, but last night John downed some Robitussin and was singing it's praises 10 minutes later with no cough, so desperate, I thought I'd try it, just to get some sleep, and rest my throat. It didn't work. At all. And I can't sleep. John is sleeping AND not coughing. I'm going to try some Bartok root tomorrow. Anyone have any good or bad things to say about it?

To add to my already pathetic weekend, our kitty Miss Honey was hit by a car on Saturday. The lady who hit her followed us to the pet hospital and paid for everything. I carried her broken body in, her limp, and awake in a towel and handed her to the Doctor. X-ray's showed a broken back, both back legs and pelvis were broken as well. We had to put her to sleep. I brought her out and the kids said goodbye, and then I walked back and she passed away quickly with me whispering in her ear. I miss her. I still can't believe she is gone. I feel responsible somehow. Maybe we should have forced her to stay indoors even though since the moment we brought her home she wanted to jump and play outside. She was an indoor/outdoor kitty. I feel like I failed her. Miss Honey was the perfect cat for our family and we will miss her.

Greatful

2009-05-04T18:16:00.002-06:00

- Rocky's hiding places
- Grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup and beer for dinner
- Chocolate Chips
- The misty rain today
- My husbands sweetness
- Watching at travel show with John at 3 in the morning, both of us unable to sleep.
- Stella's freckles
- House hunting
- My little boy turned 6

Morning

2009-04-22T14:42:00.002-06:00

I have a morning ritual. At about 7:30 I prop the front door open, take my coffee, my bible, and my breakfast out on the front porch and eat and read and sit. Sometimes my kids join me eating their breakfast on the step, or catching rolly polly's. It's become one of my favorite parts of the day. It's quiet, and the are people driving by on their way to work. One lady has driven by the last two days and both times she is looking down as she passes by my house, like she is reading a book or something, not watching the road at all. She worries me a little. People walking their dogs go by and we say hi. One neighbor comes out and smokes and my kids always yell hi to her, and then come whisper to me "she is smoking again, she shouldn't blow smoke". A black cat comes out across the street every morning and crosses my path. I wonder if bad luck will come to me because of it. I can't find anything about black cats and bad luck in the bible, but I'm just not sure, I don't trust that cat. Good mornings, make for good days around here. If it starts out rough it's hard to turn around, so I'm loving our little morning tradition, it's been starting us out on a good path these mornings.

morning robot

2009-04-17T09:21:00.002-06:00

From 7-8 every morning a robot comes and sits on our roof and looks through our skylight. Some days we forget about him, but on the days we notice ohhh, the stories we make up.

I went a little to far this morning and Rocky clung to me saying "I scared mommy". ahhh OK break my heart, I reassured him it was a shadow and then switched it up and told everyone how it was a nice robot peering in every morning to make sure we were all happy. So we waved and showed him we were all good. He's gone now. It's 8:30 and the sun has moved on and taken our robot away until tomorrow.

small

2009-04-07T18:22:00.003-06:00

Today I stepped out onto our side porch and looked up. The sky was grey and cloudy. The ground was wet and I could hear birds chirping. The wind was blowing on my face lightly and it was cold. I could see telephone wires everywhere and the tops of far off palm trees over our fence. Inside the kids were wildly running around. I felt small. I stood there and soaked in the feeling. It wasn't a bad "I'm insignificant" feeling, but a "Wow!! this world is amazing and I'm a part of it" feeling. I stood there for a couple of minutes and then stepped back inside. My perspective refocused to my daily reality and we carried on. Our small life going on in our little house, just as it is in yours right now. So small, yet so significant and amazing and beautiful. Almost like our own little Universe of wonder.

explore day

2009-03-27T10:25:00.003-06:00

I really love our homeschool group. Tuesday we explored a wooded area near by. We were sure someone would come home with poison oak, but so far we are clear here. It was all over the place and of kinda unavoidable with kids climbing hills and newt hunting in the creeks. We found lots of newts, handfuls of them. They were carried around for awhile and then put back into their muddy homes. I feel lucky to have found such a good group of friends for my kids and myself.

2009-03-24T09:34:00.002-06:00

I think I've lost my will to blog momentarily. I just don't care about it. There have been times where I've been slightly obsessed with my blog, and yours. Racking my brain for blog topics. Wondering if you have updated yours, checking 10 times a day to see if so and so had posted. It was a nice break.

Moments throughout my day I would take to peak into your life. Lately though I just don't care all that much. Not that I don't care about you, but I don't HAVE to check all of the blogs I read, and I don't really CARE if I haven't written a blog post this week. I know this might change at any moment, and that's OK.

For now though I'm doing other things. I'm not checking out here, I'm still posting and reading your blogs, just noticing a change in myself, that's all.

2009-03-18T08:36:00.004-06:00

Things Rocky has gotten time out for this week:

- Kicking our kitty
- Screaming at the dinner table "watch out spiderman!" over and over again at the top of his lungs, not stopping when we ask him to.

- Biting Stella's nipple
- Throwing the kitten into a mud puddle
- Throwing a block at Jack's head at close range and laughing.

So we sit him in time out, and usually he pouts and serves his time. I sat him in time out yesterday and stuck my camera around the corner so he couldn't see me. He heard me though and kept saying "I seeeee you" as I snapped pictures. He is a clown this kid.

2009-03-16T11:28:00.002-06:00

I'm learning how not to loose my kids. I have 2 wanderers. So I dress them as loudly as possible when we go out so I can spot them. They can run but they can't hide.

Greatful Friday

2009-03-13T10:47:00.005-06:00

* Adventures with our homeschool group. The kids finding murky swampy bodies of water to get wet and explore in and me resisting the urge to grab my kids away and tell them not to get wet in dark water. Watching my kids laugh and be brave and get dirty.
* John had yesterday and today off from work!

* A trip to the Academy of Science in San Francisco yesterday. They had "Homeschool Day" we had a really great time. The best part was that the kids were excellent all day long. No fits, no breakdowns, no one got lost. Good things.
* A trip to the Jelly Belly factory today
* Rocky going to sleep without me nursing him!! YAHOO!!

Beauty

2009-03-10T08:48:00.004-06:00

"Mother-love is not inevitable. The good mother is a great artist ever creating beauty out of chaos" -Alica Randall

This quote was on my Starbuck's cup a few days ago. I like the part where it says "creating beauty out of chaos" because, well, let's face it, my life is chaos about 95% of the time. Can I create something beautiful out of this chaos? Yes I can. I think the problem is that I compare myself so much with what other mom's are doing that my "created beauty" is measured, and judged and then I decide that it's just not as "beautiful" as everyone else's. And then I feel like I'm failing as a mother. We just got done reading "Little House on the Prairie" out loud. I love that book so much. What gets me is the isolation. They only had themselves out there on the prairie at first. They did all the work, they figured out how to entertain themselves and how to build a life without google, or a grocery store, or a friends opinion on every topic that enters into their minds. Not to say that is ALL great ALL the time but I wonder, am I just to stimulated. Am I looking everywhere else for ideas, and opinions, and creativity, and answers, that I have become unable almost to create these things for myself? I want to unplug in some way and create my own "beauty out of chaos" and be satisfied with what that looks like on it's own. How do I do that?

save

2009-03-09T06:31:00.003-06:00

We've been making small changes over here. Changes to save us money and changes to live a bit more gracefully on this planet. More will come, but like I said small changes work best for us. Here's what we've changed in the last 2 weeks.
* We are making our own laundry detergent. Got the idea from gonzo mama, but there are other recipes out there. It will save us money, not sure how much yet (still calculating haw far a batch will take us). Here is the recipe

2 bars of fels naptha soap, finely grated (or other recommended soaps) I found this at longs drugs
1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda (found this at nob hill)

Not sure about the fels naptha soap. We like it, but I want to make sure this stuff is good for the environment and I haven't got around to looking it up yet. (anyone know?)

* Washing all of our clothes in cold water. This saves on the heating bill and cuts back on out CO2 emissions.

* Turned down our water heater to 120 degrees. “If every household turned its water heater thermostat down 20 degrees, we could prevent more than 45 million tons of annual CO2 emissions – the same amount emitted by the entire nations of Kuwait or Libya.” -Power Scorecard

* I turn off the heater during the day. Saves us money and more co2 emissions.

So like I said small steps right now. The heater one I think is the one that I thought would be the hardest. I HATE being cold and I am cold ALL of the time. I have a hard time getting warm. I crank up the heat during the day to stay warm. Really though, it's not been that bad. It doesn't get as cold in here as I thought it would, and if I stay active (which is pretty easy) I don't really notice that the heat isn't blasting.

Next up?
Homemade Dishwasher detergent
Shop farmers market more often

Greatful Friday

2009-03-05T19:51:00.004-07:00

* Jack lost his first tooth!!
* Helen watching my kids for 4 hours on Wednesday!!
* My "recepie" for homeschooling over here.
* This week: Amos Lee
* American Idol
* Homemade laundry deterget that we actually really really like.

* Love notes found at the beach.

2009-03-03T20:40:00.004-07:00

The rain has been keeping us entertained the last few days. Rocky plays out in it as though it was a bright sunny day. Even after Jack and Stella come in for shelter, he stays playing, not minding that he is out there alone. We sit huddled together in our towels watching him. I make warm honey milk for them when he finally comes in. We sit drinking together, the couch turned toward the open screen door so we can watch the "rain show". It's loud and it's nice to just sit and listen and drink. Later we make "Irish Soda Bread" and I am happy it turned out so well. We sit at the table and tare it apart. There is a little left for John by dinner time. It was a good day looking back. While I was in it though, I remember thinking that it was a long day, and that I needed a break. I remember throwing my hands up, and rescuing my kitty from near decapitation. And also wanting to just crawl into bed and hide from the kids. My days are always a mix of these moments, sometimes one out ways the other and I can label the day "good" or "bad" easily. Really though my days just ARE. They are what they are, a bit of this and that, and we all make it through every time, loving one another.

Ps. Hey, look where I am! The coolest blog EVER

4am

2009-03-02T08:54:00.003-07:00

I can not handle another early morning. Really this morning I had a serious talk with this young man. I told him how it's going to be from here on out. I know what the problem is. Breastfeeding. Oh yes, I know some of you will say it's not. That I can just lay in bed with this guy sprawled across me nursing him and go back to sleep. That would be nice, but since it pretty much takes deep space silence and a miracle even with the best sleep conditions for me go to sleep, this momma will not be using the words "nursing" and "sleeping" together any time soon. The problem is that Rocky can not put himself to sleep without me. Without nursing. That's a problem. So why can't I just nurse him back to sleep at 4am and crawl back into bed? He is up for the day, all playful and loud, that's way. Maybe I'm not making much sense here, and really I don't have the time to re-read this and make is all blog perfect. To sum it up, I'm weaning the kid. Maybe one time a day, that's it. I'm ready, maybe he isn't. But I'm bigger and can run faster, barely.

Greatful Friday

2009-02-27T06:50:00.002-07:00

* Taught how to worm compost by our friend Amy. Jack and Stella are now the proud owners of a bunch of wriggley worms who will eat our leftovers and turn it into gold for our garden.
* Helen's new insipring blog Homeschool.Style.Bytes
* Meeting with my friend Lorrie for coffee. She gave my kids the best dress up clothes EVER! Thank you!
* Playing on the teeter totter with the kids
* Miss Honey my little kitty. She likes to ride on my shoulder as I walk around the house.
* Hot showers

Days go by

2009-02-26T08:58:00.004-07:00

Every morning of the week we say goodbye to John as he goes off to work. Rocky watches as he goes. I give a kiss and then busy myself with the kids and breakfast. He turns his back and walks to his freezing car and drives away. He misses us. Last night words and phrases like "everyday" and "no end in sight" and "jealous of you" were said. Even as I type this tears are springing up. He wants to be with us, he hears of the things we do and he wants to play. He likes his job. We know and accept the roles each of us decided together to have for ourselves. But sometimes the day in and day out of it is hard. I want to step out of the rat race. To go live on a farm and live off of the land. To make things, for John to have a wood shop and a potters wheel. To not NEED so much. I was inspired by this post at The Organic Sister. Maybe I could show it to John and WE could come up with a 5 year plan so he could spend more time home. I believe that we can have anything we want. We just need to plan and prioritize. OK the tears are gone now and I've typed my way into inspiration and motivation. Off to my day now. Breakfast. Bible. Dress up with the kids.(thanks Lorrie or the new clothes!!)Art. and whatever else comes up. Happy Thursday to you.

Love Love

2009-02-23T20:15:00.003-07:00

Stella. My sweet little doll playing, tea party playing, dress wearing girl. She is a girly girl. I have to count the cost when I take us all on a hike. I know I'll be dragging her along at some point. Or carrying her. I don't like playing dolls. Or dressing her poly pockets. I'm sorry I don't. But I do it. Sometimes. I don't remember being so girly. I must have been though I have pictures of me in dresses and long hair, and I look happy about it. I love Stella as she is right now. I love hearing her play horses with her brother. Saturday morning her and I went for hot chocolate at our special coffee shop. On the way home she says "Mom. If we were in a team together the team would be called the Love Love team." Ahhh my heart melted. Yes, team "Love Love" my sweetness, forever.

2009-02-22T20:48:00.002-07:00

This is Miss Honey. We adopted her on Saturday from the animal shelter. She's my birthday present from John. Isn't she cute?

Really, though I haven't got to have that much time with her since she has pretty much been hijacked by my kids. She's a spunky little girls so she keeps us just fine with them.

My favorite time is after the kids go to bed and I have her all to myself. She snuggles up with me on the couch and purrs the rest of the night.

Greatful Friday

2009-02-20T10:27:00.004-07:00

* I finally get my birthday present from John tomorrow. I'll show you pictures next week.
* Our family is slightly addicted to playing the beautiful games at Orsinal.
* My sassy Stella. Whew, I must tell you this girl is running me ragged lately.
* We are waging war on sugar over here and I found some tasty snacks at Trader Joe's last night.
* My new "Home Education" magazine that came in at the library yesterday.
* My artist Jack.
* Found big cheap maps at an education store that is going out of business.
* A super sweet email from my sister
* A date with my sweet hubby on Valentines day thanks to Trish
* Watching Jack hold baby chickens yesterday and having him come home excited asking his daddy if we could have chickens. John actually said we could ask the landlords. WHAT!! I've asked a zillion times for chickens and you said "no". I guess Jack's big brown eyes softened him up a little.

2009-02-19T09:49:00.002-07:00

Wow, it's been such a nice morning so far. It's also been a long morning. Rocky started his day at 3:50am. Just now he fell asleep. whew! Jack got up around six begging for cartoons. I distracted him with reading stories however and he quickly forgot the TV. The sun is bright today and the screen door is open and the birds are chattering up a storm. Have a good day everyone.

2009-02-16T14:25:00.002-07:00

So I discovered this morning that I misread the schedule I was basing our homeschool lessons on. I was doing all of the lessons everyday. I was trying to cram like 10 subjects into our mornings and it was not working. Well I made it work, ditching half of it and trying to make up along the way throughout the rest of the week. I wasn't really stressed I was just wondering how people did it all. They don't I guess. I'm relieved. Again I remind myself WHY we homeschool, for freedom, flexibility, and adventure. No matter what we do, there has to be a sense of those qualities in it.
So the highlight last week was our bird watching expedition out in the back yard.

The kids listened and looked and they were EXCITED. I was a little amazed at how really into it they got. It was fun to watch them. It didn't last to long, but long enough for us to see the birds and hear them and imagine where they lived and what they were up to during the winter.

Greatful Friday

2009-02-13T08:35:00.004-07:00

* Jack's excitement about my artist friend Maritza's art class each week.
* The kids actually listened to me and stayed in their room this morning until 7am playing. It's something new were trying so I don't have to start my day with the older two at 5:30am every day.
* An understanding compassionate husband.
* Oatmeal with nuts and berries.
* Bird watching and listening in the backyard yesterday. The kids were engaged and excited.
* This quote "“The world and its complex terrible wonderful webs of civilization are far bigger and older than our nineteenth-century factory-style compulsory schooling system. There is room for all kinds of people–those who love books, and those who’d rather build things and take them apart all day, not just for an hour in woodshop or autoshop. There’s room for those who would rather wander dreaming on a glacier, and perhaps awaken the rest of us with some truthful words in the tradition of Thoreau, Ed Abbey, Annie Dillard. There’s room for those who want to make lasagna and french bread an apple pie all day. None of these callings are better or worse than others. None mean failure as a human being, but they may likely cause “failure” in a dull system that never asked you to be a part of it in the first place.”

-Grace Llewellyn
* Homeschool Valentines day party we had on Tuesday. Good friends, pink crafts, candy, valentine exchange.
* Lip gloss.

the thin parts

2009-02-10T18:28:00.005-07:00

I took this picture today. It was a hole in a tree, I was standing on the outside looking through the hole into it's guts. Which were only leaves thankfully. Anyway I got to thinking about how that hole happened. I'm not a tree expert or anything but I'm guessing there was a thin part and it eventually split open as the tree got hollowed out, how that happened I also don't know. What I do know is that I could relate myself to the tree. My mind scanned through my body, almost like an infrared ex-ray in a movie and I could see my thin parts. It happened in just the span of a minute or so as I looked at the tree, and I saw my own weak thin parts that needed strengthening. I saw my depression knocking, wanting in. I saw my panicking body image issues starting to scream. I saw my insecurities and my failures. Lots of little thin areas about to break through. But I also saw the parts that were stronger. My ability to talk myself out of a hole. My focus and unwavering devotion to making sure my kids feel loved and believed in. I saw the love I have for my family and friends, and I saw the spiritual path I walk and sometimes stumble along. Putting all this into words is weird. It's hard to write about moments like these because it seems like I really spent a lot of time thinking about it, but it was just moments. Trying to capture what I FELT in words is hard. Anyway I walked away feeling balanced. Like it was OK to have the thin parts because of the strong parts. They would work together to hold me up. The tree was still standing and I know we both one day will crumble back to the ground, and that's OK. I want to thank God (because I know he reads my blog) for showing me that today. I want to thank my family and friends for constantly pointing out my strengths. Tomorrow is a new day and weak and strong I'll make it as good as I possibly can.

2009-02-09T09:28:00.002-07:00

Saturday morning is my favorite time of the week. John is home and a free day is before us. I cherish Saturdays as our family time. When other commitments or appointments need to be made on that day I cringe. I'm selfish with my Saturdays, and I don't feel bad about it. Saturday is the day we are all together, to laugh and to play. We aren't chasing daylight pressed to play together before bedtime, get dinner eaten and everybody ready for bed like in the weekdays. We are slow and adventurous and it really is a day different from the rest. We eat breakfast by candlelight and I serve a "big breakfast" as Jack likes to call it. Sometimes we stay in our pj's late, and sometimes we get dressed early and head out for fun. We watch movies and eat pizza, we build forts and read books. It probably looks a lot like your Saturday, except it's not. It's ours and to me it is a warm comfortable place ending to our week, a sweet embrace like no other.

2009-02-03T21:10:00.005-07:00

So we have been busy doing lots of homeschooly type stuff around here. We are trying on more of a formal schedule, well really not all that formal, but more so than the usual circus show we got going on. So can I show off a little? OK, thanks :). So we are studying six paintings by Vermeer over the next 12 weeks. This week we all painted our own version of his "Girl with a Pearl Earring" painting. Check out Jack's.

I don't know about you, but I think it's genius. Isn't is beautiful!!? OK I'm having a mom moment maybe, but no really, isn't it amazing?
OK moving on now to our weaving

This is a quote from Jack as he got going on his colorful weave "mommy, I love this. I feel like I could weave all day long". :)

And today, the salamander. Oh the salamander, there is a story there but I don't have the energy to tell you it right now. One found today, and lost. We came home and the first thing Jack asked was if he could draw a picture of the little salamander. So here he is. Cute little guy huh? He actually looked a lot like this too.

OK, well see you soon, I'll try and check in here more often, I know I've been slacking here in this blog lately. My energy has been elsewhere, but I do like checking in. Have a good week everyone, see you soon.

Greatful Friday

2009-01-30T17:26:00.004-07:00

- My migraine is gone. Puking on the side of the freeway with three concerned kids watching is not fun. I came home and was taken care of by these 3 angles of mine, rest+love+water = happy
- $100 dollars off of a speeding ticket just for showing up in court to ask. Thanks judge.
- A birthday coffee and babysitting from my friend
- Watching American Idol with John at night
- This week: Coldplay, They Might Be Giants, Bob Marley
- New mango body lotion from my sister, I could just squirt it in my mouth and eat it
- My kids are THE sweetest little guys
- Jack has his first loose tooth.

2009-01-28T06:39:00.003-07:00

So I'm 36 now. There was a minute there all I could see in that number was the giant 40 standing impatiently behind it. It really was more like a 2 week minute if I'm honest. I'm over it now though, pretty much. Really 40 isn't standing RIGHT behind 36 anyway, I have a little wiggle room to panic. Not that there is anything WRONG with 40. It just that it's closer to 50, and there IS a little something wrong with that number :). I think it might be better if, like my mom, I conveniently forget my age when it gets to high for my liking. My mom will always say some random number when you ask her, not because she's being silly, but because it's slipped her mind, sometimes she will start counting by 10's from the year she was born to figure it out. Anyway, I am going to let it go for now, a number is a number and I have a life to live, so I'm laying it down for now.

Grateful Friday

2009-01-23T06:23:00.004-07:00

- Beach kung Fu. I dedicate this pic of Jack doing his warrior chop in combo with a mind numbing warrior shriek to Amy who is a warrior in her own right and will be running a half-marathon this weekend.
- Finally feel like I'm making more decisions that I'm excited about with homeschooling the kids. Feel an excitement and anticipation as we start to change how we have been doing things around here.
- I'm turning 36 this weekend, looking forward to a calm weekend, some time out, seeing my mom and sister.
- First Corinthians thirteen. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." the whole chapter is so beautiful to me.
- Watching Jack and Rocky play in the rain
- John shares getting up at night with Rocky with me
- Seeing my friend Trish today
- This week: Sarah Bareilles, Tom Waits, A bluegrass music station an our TV
- Vegi Lasagna
- Meeting a friend for coffee one night this week.
- Coffee
- My kids like oatmeal.
- Hearing the sound of rain right now.
- Watching Rocky try to juggle.

2009-01-20T08:21:00.003-07:00

We went to the beach this weekend. It was the perfect medicine for head cold I have. Though, pretty much as soon as we left I was in misery again. Jack found the head of a seagull and a detached wing, so he was really excited. Stella decided to just walk away from us and not even look back. We watched her stand up and just start walking. I followed her down the beach at a distance to see if she would turn back or if she had a particular destination. She didn't. She walked and walked and didn't stop, didn't look back. Finally I stopped her and asked her where she was going. She said she was going to look for sea glass down the beach. Rocky ate sand and knocked down every sand castle we tried to build. John explored caves and played in the water and I chased waves with Jack.
Today we are watching the inauguration and taking it easy. Have a good day everyone.